I'm probably gonna be really busy in December so i'm writing about it now~
I think, this year has been really tough. It's pretty much the 'O' Levels this year that killed me all these while. I get really snappy at people and i break all the time. Most of the time you see me depressed on tumblr and facebook. But even so I think this year has been really memorable.
I pretty much joined the CFV fandom this year, and they really really REALLY made me feel MUCH HAPPIER than I ever did in the UTAU fandom. Everyone is really relaxed, chatting about the series, even though most of them play the game, there is no vying for victory. We just play for fun. I found it hard to get accustomed at first. Loads of them use unsourced art as reaction images, and some of them do mary sue roleplays. I admit, I was very harsh to them. But then I learnt from them that if I tell them to stop RPing that way, I pretty much taking away their joy in RPing. Normally in UTAU there is so much drama and such a great commotion that it hurts both parties. So I'm the only one making a lot of fuss about loads of things. I guess i've become more open minded at the end of this year? Anyway, unsourced arts as RP reactions don't bother me that much. Because most of them are cropped from sourced artworks on tumblr so I suppose that is partially why everyone is quite lax about them.
Despite which, CFV fandom let me make a lot of new friends. I mean, my UTAU friends are great too. But then I learnt a lot about them. In UTAU fandom, loads of them only talk about their UTAUs, the designs, OC, etc. I don't know them really well. But for CFV friends, we're really close and talk a lot on skype, and we know each other personally. We share things about our lives and during my exams period I break down A LOT. They probably were the first few people who listened to my struggles and offered me support, which I never got in UTAU fandom. Yay for these hobos.
CFV fandom is really small. Which is why everyone knows loads of people in the fandom. So there's very little drama. If there is it's probably caused by me ehehehe sorry *sob*
As for real life... I guess I've finally met the best rl friends I can ever meet? I'm not as close to them as my CFV friends, but still, they are hilarious. We're pretty much each others' teachers and stuff
(except huizheng that idiot dhajfhdjskhdfjskafhdskaj BAKA.). I can't say any of them can be a pillar of support to me. But still they made my life much more interesting EVEN THOUGH MATCHSTICK KEEPS ANNOYING ME BY AGREE WITH MY SARCASTIC REMARKS GOD DAMN IT WOMAN JUST SHUT UP CUZ YOU JUST DID SOMETHING VERY WRONG DON'T MAKE MATTERS WORSE FOR YOURSELF. Argh these dolts. They make my life so much livelier.
For the first time in my life I felt stress omg. 'O' Levels what are you.
Anyway, last but not least, I think my drawings improved all the way till September. Then 'O' Levels came and now I really can't draw as well. So I improved and then deproved. But, I feel really upset about my own art because there are so many talented people surrounding me in both fandoms. I want to be in their league, but no matter how hard I try I just can't. This has been stressing me so hard. I feel like I'm only drawing to overtake others and that I have no actual reason to draw. I can't find any reason. I don't understand myself too. But this feeling has been strangling me since I entered UTAU fandom and it pretty much is crushing me now. I don't know why I draw anymore.
This year has been very eventful. That's all I can say.